The Four Sacred Gifts by Anita L. Sanchez

Author:Anita L. Sanchez
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atria/Enliven Books

LISTENING

The story of my son Alex reveals the power of listening on different levels. It was an occasion for me to practice listening as a parent with trust in him, and it was also an experience for my son to practice listening to his own heart in order to become present to what was out of balance and find his center again.

Rather than complain or blame his ex-girlfriend, Alex gave himself the time to ask himself questions and then took the time to really listen to the answers. Over the weeks and months following the breakup, he continually got in touch with what was happening in his body. The body is always giving messages to us to restore health and wholeness; it’s telling us that we have to take the time to pause and listen.

Alex spoke about how he was making sense of what had happened with the breakup, and he was looking at the underlying stories that he was telling about himself and others involved. He knew that he was making up stories where he had no factual information. It was helpful to ask his ex-girlfriend, when he had the opportunity, what she perceived had happened to cause failure in their sustaining a healthy relationship.

When Alex was hurt, he turned to others for their trust and love to provide him the space and grace by listening, listening, and listening some more to him as he healed and transformed into an even stronger human being, trusting his ability to be whole. Whenever we ask ourselves, What are the stories I am telling myself? What are the unexamined assumptions underlying those stories I create about myself and others?, we open up the possibility to know ourselves better by getting in touch with and listening to our bodies and hearts.

To listen with the softest part of your ear is to hold an intention to listen with empathy and compassion, a practice that asks you to be mindful and heart centered so you can listen unconditionally and without judgment. When you’re listening to the heart of another, here are a few steps to help you cultivate listening from the softest part of your ear:

• First, take a pause and breathe into your body, allowing the oxygen to reach from the top of your head down to the tips of your toes, be still and quiet for several seconds, and then exhale out from your heart. This repeated breathing, opening up, and then emptying oneself provides the cradle from which you can listen.

• Second, quiet your mind. For some of us, it may be like using an eraser on a whiteboard where our thoughts are written. For others, it may be releasing our thoughts, letting them float away like clouds. The key is that you focus completely on the other person’s need and words and let your inner conversation dissipate. For some, choosing to immerse themselves in the experience of the other right in front of them helps to quiet the mind.

• Third, stay silent.

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